24 April 2009

Could my brain be more muddled?

Palabra del dia: there's not one Spanish word for procrastinate. Maybe that's a sign?

This week has come and hit me like a slap in the face. I have literally 25 pages of paper to write, in Spanish and English, in the next 2 weeks. That means I should write 1.7857 pages per day approximately. I think I can handle that, right? Yea, if I can ever get started. Do you even know how hard it is to sit inside and write when all I want to do is go and explore?! I really need to just sit and write, write, write till my eyes cross and my fingers are calloused. Quite an attractive image, eh?

Life here is almost over. I've been here for 13 weeks. That's 3 months and one week. Or 91 days. It's amazing how your life can change and you can grow and learn so much in such a short period. When I go home I'm not going to be the same person as I was when I left. I have experienced so much in so many regards here. I've learned to stay out until 3am and not think it's a big deal. I haven't gotten up earlier than 7am except maybe 3 times all semester, and that was only to catch a bus to the airport. I've become accustomed to red wine so much so that I no longer like white. I've learned to consider 9:30pm as early. I've gained confidence in mismatching my clothes, and it's rather freeing. I've gained confidence in who I am and who I want to be, even if I don't quite know who that is. And I've learned that not knowing is okay too. I've learned (or at least started to) trust my instincts because many times, they are right. Recently, I've learned that just saying what is on my mind is better than hiding what I'm feeling because of worry about what someone will think. I think it's lame that we hide what we're really feeling a lot, so I've really started just saying what I'm thinking, with discretion, of course. Some of the conversations I've had because of this have been slightly awkward, but some of the most real I've had in a long time. I've slacked on my running, and it's been glorious. I've learned how important my loved ones are to me, and what I mean to them. I've traveled around Europe all by myself and didn't think twice. In general, I love what this Spanish/European/study abroad experience has done to me. And I don't think I even know the full extent of it yet.

I really did have a point to this blog when I started writing it, I swear. Now I'm just blabbering. So now I'm going to go buckle down and write. If you need me, I'll be the cool one sitting in the corner hunched over her computer with smoke coming from her furiously fast typing fingers.

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