23 February 2010

dolores de crecimiento

Growing up hurts. Through all my experiences in my lifetime, and in the past 4 years as a student at William Jewell College, I think my senior year of college has been the most strenuous of them all. Some guesses as to why:
1) The transition back to America from Spain. Harder than I thought.
2) Coming back to Jewell after 8 months away. I'm a new person, and helping people understand that was/is really frustrating.
3) Senior Capstones. I have 4. FOUR. One last semester, three right now.
4) Finding a job/apartment.
5) Spain or no Spain? That is the question.

I think the biggest thing that has hurt is knowing I have one more year under my parent's roof, one more year to take naps in the afternoon, one more year to figure out my life. Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but still. Finding a job in the midst of three capstones is hard. Basically, it's just growing up, or realizing that I have to grow up (and be on my own) in 3 months, that hurts. Really badly.

However, I know that in the end, it'll be good. I will be stronger, more well-equipped, employed, and a graduate of William Jewell College when I come out on the other side.

And for those reasons, the growing pains are worth it. Life, bring it on!

21 January 2010

La pasion ha vuelto!!

Yesterday was the day. The day for what, you might ask? The day Spanish returned to my life. You see, I haven't spoken Spanish in months. Sad to say, with my return to the States came a return to English, something that was welcomed and hated at the same time. I didn't even have a Spanish class last semester to keep me going, only a measly French class that barely taught me anything (sorry to you French lovers!). But yesterday, much to my amusement, came a walk back to the dorm, and my walking buddy, Julie Bo, who speaks Spanish. Yes, that's right. We spoke Spanish on our walk back to the dorm.

Then today, I started my Spanish Capstone class. This class is the reason I was scared to become a major, but now that I'm here, it's not so scary. I love Spanish. Even when it confuses me, pisses me off, and straight up breaks my heart, I always come back for more. A strange love affair, maybe, but one that keeps me intrigued nonetheless. Can I just say how excited I am to be in a class that is going to 1) make me speak Spanish on a regular basis and 2) push me further than I have been pushed in a long while. It is not too much to say that I just plain am happy again, and part of that is due to the fact that Spanish is back in my life. And I'm gonna keep it that way!

All this Spanish-speaking makes me think more and more about whether I want to spend a year in Spain teaching. While it has it's pros and cons, I still haven't made a decision. I decided today that I just need to apply (which would require my printer working to print necessary items for the application) and wait. If I'm accepted, then I can decide. If not, I know I must find something else. So that is that.

It's incredible to me how one's passion can make a person so happy, yet so confused. I guess I'll just have to follow my heart on this one, whatever that means.