Palabra del dia: gracia -->grace
For some reason, there is a big God in my life that likes me. Take that back, loves me. A big love too. I don't know why, and I can't figure it out. My religious past tells me why He loves me, that's good and all, but really? Why? I have done nothing to deserve this, and what's worse, sometimes I do things undeserving of His love. Actually, everyday. Every. Single. Day. Ridiculous.
But somehow, in the midst of all my failures, He continues to give me grace. Case in point: I tend to overlook things sometimes, er, many times. Like a deadline for a program that I am one year away from completing. I was informed of this deadline today, and actually already have things in the works to complete it. But there is only one reason why: grace. He's helping me figure things out, even though I don't deserve it, even though I haven't asked for it. Why? Grace, that's the only reason. Okay, I'll take it.
-------------------------------
Randomness:
I have an ant bite on my foot that has caused the whole upper part near my toes to swell. Little devils!!
I'll admit it, the last 2 1/2 months have been the hardest I have ever gone through. And not for any reasons that one might think. I haven't been impressed with the way I've handled it, or who I've been. But, it's looking up. And I'm going to figure out who I am, once again.
My brothers are some of my favorite people on this planet. They can make me laugh until I cry, get so angry I scream, and love me more than I could ask for. Thanks, brothers, for being you.
It's ice cream time!
17 August 2009
16 July 2009
Estoy en mi salsa
No palabra del dia ahora, porque he escrito 2 entradas hoy y es suficiente. Too bad for you if you can't read that... deberias aprender espanol.
I just wanted to say how amazing the last part of my day was. I was feeling all pouty and crap, but it's amazing how some simple things can turn your day around. Here's a short listing:
1) Went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She's quite a hoot, let me tell you!
2. My car died, for the third time (yes, third) this summer, on my way to work. The part about this that makes me happy, I didn't freak out (probably cause I'm used to it by now) and after letting it sit a few minutes, it started right back up. Awesome.
3- I made good money at work, despite it being a slow night at first.
4> The customers that came in later were very pleasant. Some of my favorites, actually. It was nice to chat with them and have them tell me I'm the best waitress ever (or something like that).
OH, I forgot why I originally was going to write this post. Here goes. Little brother, Craig, just got back from some sort of hippie convention (pottery workshop) in Pittsburgh. He is talking about going to Denmark for a whole year. We got to talking about Europe, along with some other people at work, and I got SO excited!!! When being removed from the situation, it's easy to forget how you felt when you were there. But, I know that I, in fact, LOVE Europe, and going back would be a dream come true, and probably a smart move. I was literally jumping up and down.
Pues, necesito dormir porque tengo que ir mi coche al mecanico manana. Hasta luego!
I just wanted to say how amazing the last part of my day was. I was feeling all pouty and crap, but it's amazing how some simple things can turn your day around. Here's a short listing:
1) Went to Wal-Mart with my mom. She's quite a hoot, let me tell you!
2. My car died, for the third time (yes, third) this summer, on my way to work. The part about this that makes me happy, I didn't freak out (probably cause I'm used to it by now) and after letting it sit a few minutes, it started right back up. Awesome.
3- I made good money at work, despite it being a slow night at first.
4> The customers that came in later were very pleasant. Some of my favorites, actually. It was nice to chat with them and have them tell me I'm the best waitress ever (or something like that).
OH, I forgot why I originally was going to write this post. Here goes. Little brother, Craig, just got back from some sort of hippie convention (pottery workshop) in Pittsburgh. He is talking about going to Denmark for a whole year. We got to talking about Europe, along with some other people at work, and I got SO excited!!! When being removed from the situation, it's easy to forget how you felt when you were there. But, I know that I, in fact, LOVE Europe, and going back would be a dream come true, and probably a smart move. I was literally jumping up and down.
Pues, necesito dormir porque tengo que ir mi coche al mecanico manana. Hasta luego!
Corriendo en circulos
Palabra del dia: aburrido --> bored
America the... boring. Or maybe that's just Springfield. It could be the fact that my life is a routine of waking up, eating breakfast, working out (if I'm motivated), being lazy, then going to work. I crave adventure, spontaneity, and Europe. It seems everyone I know is either in another country, or going to one. I'm so frustrated right now because I just want to be with my friends, in Europe, not alone in Springfield. But yet, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel (or something like that), which is going to St. Louis this weekend to see friends. I will be surrounded by people I haven't seen in months, hanging out and forgetting all my cares for a weekend. And then next weekend, I get to go to Kansas City and see more people I love. This is good, because it reminds me that my boring summer is only for a season... and for 5 more weeks.
On the flip side, this whole being away from my friends for 7 months (and counting) thing has taught me a lot about friendship. Without friendship, I don't know where I'd be. It is interesting to see who sticks around when all you have to rely on is Facebook chats, Skype dates, and emails. To be honest, I'm really really blessed with my friends, and I don't know what I would do without them. I can't wait to be reunited with all of them when I return to Jewell in 5 short weeks!
Okay I'll end with one (or maybe a couple things) that I love about Springfield, especially in the summertime: thunderstorms that are so loud they shake the house and make you want to stay in bed all day and sleep. Watching it rain while sitting on the deck. Sitting outside on the deck with my momma, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. Andy's Frozen Custard. Running on the trails through the park in the midst of the hot summer sun. Riding in my car with the sunroof open and music blaring. Playing with my adorable pup, Abbie. Sunsets that take your breath away.
With that, I am off to be productive. Paz afuera!
America the... boring. Or maybe that's just Springfield. It could be the fact that my life is a routine of waking up, eating breakfast, working out (if I'm motivated), being lazy, then going to work. I crave adventure, spontaneity, and Europe. It seems everyone I know is either in another country, or going to one. I'm so frustrated right now because I just want to be with my friends, in Europe, not alone in Springfield. But yet, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel (or something like that), which is going to St. Louis this weekend to see friends. I will be surrounded by people I haven't seen in months, hanging out and forgetting all my cares for a weekend. And then next weekend, I get to go to Kansas City and see more people I love. This is good, because it reminds me that my boring summer is only for a season... and for 5 more weeks.
On the flip side, this whole being away from my friends for 7 months (and counting) thing has taught me a lot about friendship. Without friendship, I don't know where I'd be. It is interesting to see who sticks around when all you have to rely on is Facebook chats, Skype dates, and emails. To be honest, I'm really really blessed with my friends, and I don't know what I would do without them. I can't wait to be reunited with all of them when I return to Jewell in 5 short weeks!
Okay I'll end with one (or maybe a couple things) that I love about Springfield, especially in the summertime: thunderstorms that are so loud they shake the house and make you want to stay in bed all day and sleep. Watching it rain while sitting on the deck. Sitting outside on the deck with my momma, reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. Andy's Frozen Custard. Running on the trails through the park in the midst of the hot summer sun. Riding in my car with the sunroof open and music blaring. Playing with my adorable pup, Abbie. Sunsets that take your breath away.
With that, I am off to be productive. Paz afuera!
22 June 2009
Esta aqui ahora mismo.
Palabra del dia: paciencia --> patience
I went on a bike ride the other day (despite the near 100 degree weather and humidity that makes you feel like you're in a sauna) because I needed to get out. I needed to feel the wind on my face in a way that running couldn't give me. I needed to get out in nature, where I always feel most alive. I needed time to just me. And it was goooood.
I talked to God. I asked him what in the heck I was supposed to be doing with my life. Or more specifically, what I was supposed to be doing this summer, stuck in Springfield when I just want to be back in Spain. This is what I feel like he told me: even though I don't like this place right now, that doesn't give me an excuse to like the people. Sure, there's many many many things I don't like about America. But others, it's not so bad. Springfield is my home, this is true. It helped shape me into who I am. I am grateful for that. I am ready to move on, yes, but I am here now, and there's nothing I can do about it (especially cause I have no money to go anywhere else!). So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to love people. I'm going to volunteer, hopefully speaking Spanish. I miss speaking it so badly. I try to speak it at home, but you can imagine the look on my mom's face when she doesn't understand a word I'm saying. I'm also going to love people at work. Even though they can drive me nuts, I'm going to love them. I'm going to serve them. I'm going to soak up the time I have with my mom and step-dad at home, and little brother who I see mostly at work, because I know in a few short weeks, I'll be back at school.
Another question running through my head has been what the heck am I doing with my life?! What am I supposed to do after I graduate? I only have one more year of school left, and it's just now hitting me. Okay, I love Spanish, Jesus, and people. There's gotta be a job for that. Mission work? I don't know. Non-profit organization? Possibly. I know I have a strong desire to go overseas, and I feel like that will happen.
It's funny to think that me, who didn't want to leave Springfield when she left for college, is now ready to move on from this place and see the world. Or part of it. Or all of it, that'd be swell. It's incredible to me to see the change in myself, when I once remember thinking "Change? Right, like I'm going to change!" Hm. All in all, I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I have a new perspective on life, and even though I have ants in my pants about going back to Spain, I somehow can understand why I'm here now. It's good.
Lastly, I'm going to Texas this weekend for my dad's wedding. I'm so stinkin excited! Except for the 100+ degree weather, humidity, and fire ants part. I get to see my brothers and sisters-in-law and niece and nephews (one of which was born in March and I haven't met yet!!). It'll be a great family time. Also, my soon-to-be step-mom, Gracie, is Mexican. That means her family is Mexican too. And they're going to be at the wedding. Which means... (drumroll please...!!!!!) I GET TO SPEAK SPANISH TO PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND IT THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! It's like a friggin' dream come true, I tell ya. I don't think I could be more excited. I might even just act like I don't understand English so they don't have a choice but to speak Spanish to me. Muahahahahaha!
Okay now I'm just gettin ridiculous! Until next time................
I went on a bike ride the other day (despite the near 100 degree weather and humidity that makes you feel like you're in a sauna) because I needed to get out. I needed to feel the wind on my face in a way that running couldn't give me. I needed to get out in nature, where I always feel most alive. I needed time to just me. And it was goooood.
I talked to God. I asked him what in the heck I was supposed to be doing with my life. Or more specifically, what I was supposed to be doing this summer, stuck in Springfield when I just want to be back in Spain. This is what I feel like he told me: even though I don't like this place right now, that doesn't give me an excuse to like the people. Sure, there's many many many things I don't like about America. But others, it's not so bad. Springfield is my home, this is true. It helped shape me into who I am. I am grateful for that. I am ready to move on, yes, but I am here now, and there's nothing I can do about it (especially cause I have no money to go anywhere else!). So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to love people. I'm going to volunteer, hopefully speaking Spanish. I miss speaking it so badly. I try to speak it at home, but you can imagine the look on my mom's face when she doesn't understand a word I'm saying. I'm also going to love people at work. Even though they can drive me nuts, I'm going to love them. I'm going to serve them. I'm going to soak up the time I have with my mom and step-dad at home, and little brother who I see mostly at work, because I know in a few short weeks, I'll be back at school.
Another question running through my head has been what the heck am I doing with my life?! What am I supposed to do after I graduate? I only have one more year of school left, and it's just now hitting me. Okay, I love Spanish, Jesus, and people. There's gotta be a job for that. Mission work? I don't know. Non-profit organization? Possibly. I know I have a strong desire to go overseas, and I feel like that will happen.
It's funny to think that me, who didn't want to leave Springfield when she left for college, is now ready to move on from this place and see the world. Or part of it. Or all of it, that'd be swell. It's incredible to me to see the change in myself, when I once remember thinking "Change? Right, like I'm going to change!" Hm. All in all, I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I have a new perspective on life, and even though I have ants in my pants about going back to Spain, I somehow can understand why I'm here now. It's good.
Lastly, I'm going to Texas this weekend for my dad's wedding. I'm so stinkin excited! Except for the 100+ degree weather, humidity, and fire ants part. I get to see my brothers and sisters-in-law and niece and nephews (one of which was born in March and I haven't met yet!!). It'll be a great family time. Also, my soon-to-be step-mom, Gracie, is Mexican. That means her family is Mexican too. And they're going to be at the wedding. Which means... (drumroll please...!!!!!) I GET TO SPEAK SPANISH TO PEOPLE WHO UNDERSTAND IT THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! It's like a friggin' dream come true, I tell ya. I don't think I could be more excited. I might even just act like I don't understand English so they don't have a choice but to speak Spanish to me. Muahahahahaha!
Okay now I'm just gettin ridiculous! Until next time................
12 June 2009
No tengo un idea.
Palabra del dia: soledad --> loneliness
So. I've been back in good 'ole Springfield, Missouri for about 2 weeks now. It's a strange feeling. I have days where I think I'm doing alright, and others where I hate this place. Mostly, I have been feeling pretty lonely. It's strange because usually there are quite a few people around me on a regular basis. It's not that I necessarily have a lack of people to hang out with (though, I say this as I'm sitting at Starbucks, alone, on a Friday night...don't judge). **Random thought, I have a book in my possession called "The Path of Loneliness" that a friend lent to me before I left for Spain. I think I've read about 8 pages of it. Maybe now is a good time to dust it off?** Anyway, loneliness. It's a strange thing. I've spent my recent days house sitting, hanging out with my favorite cousin Laura. She is one of my favorite people. Her and I have always gotten along and understood eachother in a special way, almost like sisters. Though we don't live close, we tend to be somewhat close. We have been house sitting for our grandma together, and it's been a great time to hang out and talk and really just get to know one another better. When I'm not hanging out with her, I've been at my new job waitressing, or at least trying to waitress. It's a bit overwhelming right now, but I'll get the hang of it, I'm sure.
The loneliness part comes in here: No one here understands me. Not a soul. All my Granada friends (who are American) live everywhere but the Midwest (with the exception of Steph who, if I had the money, time, and a car that didn't leak antifreeze like it's a job, I would visit in Chicago). Like I said before, I am a different person. I believe different things. Or I should say, I think I do. Because I don't even know what I believe about certain things. It's a strange feeling when you come back to your home and don't agree with it. Like your favorite childhood food, sometimes when you try it later, it just doesn't agree with you. And maybe there's nothing I can do to fix this. But in the meantime, I intend to try to figure it out, by whatever means I have to take to do so.
Here's some recent random things that have happened to me as a result of this:
1) I overheard a woman the other day saying something about going to Mexico. She said (and I quote), "You know, if you go to Mexico, you almost have to speak Mexican." Um, EXCUSE ME?!! Mexican?! Lady, that is an ethnicity, a type of food, NOT A LANGUAGE. It's called Spanish. Seriously. How ignorant can people be?! I don't get it. I wanted to chew her out. Too bad it wasn't my place, (and I may have gotten fired from my job on my first day) because I totally would have done it.
2) I had a weird dream the other night. I was with a group of people my age-ish. We were somewhere, I don't know, a camp or something, sitting outside in the grass. Everyone else was already there, and I came up to the group to join them. As I approached them, I saw iPhones, iPods, everything material, and heard the dreaded "So like..." way of talking. You know what I mean. And, in my dream, to these people I said, "Whoa, I have to leave. I can't be around you all right now cause I'm just going to judge you. Bye." I think this probably explains some of my attitude right now, as much as I try to fight it.
These two examples are just part of my life right now. I know it's because I've been exposed to a different life, different religions, different everything, that certain aspects of the American way of life are just not... suitable?.... for me anymore. It's not what I want, or what I understand, or what I agree with I guess. Maybe it'll get better, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Please understand me: I don't hate America. Or Americans. I'm just going through culture shock right now, against my own culture, and it's weird.
Back to being lonely. I don't know what to do. There are so many people that I know understand me in my life, friends and such. But here's the problem. NONE OF THEM LIVE IN MISSOURI. Not cool. I need a transporter (or just a new car, unlimited money and time) to go visit them all. Seriously.
Last thing, when people ask me if I'm going to go back to Spain, my response is "Why yes, I am. After I graduate. For a year to teach." I tell people this to A) show them how much I love Spain and B) convince myself and get it into my head that it is actually going to happen, because if I don't convince myself, it won't happen. However, while I was running the other day, I decided why not? I don't have anything holding me back. I won't get this opportunity again. While others are busy getting jobs here, going to school, getting married, whatever they may be doing, I will be going to Spain. Because nothing is holding me back. And I like it like that.
Please do me a favor. Yes, you. If you see me, please give me a hug. I could really use it. And if I cry and sniffle on your new shirt, just grin and bear it.
So. I've been back in good 'ole Springfield, Missouri for about 2 weeks now. It's a strange feeling. I have days where I think I'm doing alright, and others where I hate this place. Mostly, I have been feeling pretty lonely. It's strange because usually there are quite a few people around me on a regular basis. It's not that I necessarily have a lack of people to hang out with (though, I say this as I'm sitting at Starbucks, alone, on a Friday night...don't judge). **Random thought, I have a book in my possession called "The Path of Loneliness" that a friend lent to me before I left for Spain. I think I've read about 8 pages of it. Maybe now is a good time to dust it off?** Anyway, loneliness. It's a strange thing. I've spent my recent days house sitting, hanging out with my favorite cousin Laura. She is one of my favorite people. Her and I have always gotten along and understood eachother in a special way, almost like sisters. Though we don't live close, we tend to be somewhat close. We have been house sitting for our grandma together, and it's been a great time to hang out and talk and really just get to know one another better. When I'm not hanging out with her, I've been at my new job waitressing, or at least trying to waitress. It's a bit overwhelming right now, but I'll get the hang of it, I'm sure.
The loneliness part comes in here: No one here understands me. Not a soul. All my Granada friends (who are American) live everywhere but the Midwest (with the exception of Steph who, if I had the money, time, and a car that didn't leak antifreeze like it's a job, I would visit in Chicago). Like I said before, I am a different person. I believe different things. Or I should say, I think I do. Because I don't even know what I believe about certain things. It's a strange feeling when you come back to your home and don't agree with it. Like your favorite childhood food, sometimes when you try it later, it just doesn't agree with you. And maybe there's nothing I can do to fix this. But in the meantime, I intend to try to figure it out, by whatever means I have to take to do so.
Here's some recent random things that have happened to me as a result of this:
1) I overheard a woman the other day saying something about going to Mexico. She said (and I quote), "You know, if you go to Mexico, you almost have to speak Mexican." Um, EXCUSE ME?!! Mexican?! Lady, that is an ethnicity, a type of food, NOT A LANGUAGE. It's called Spanish. Seriously. How ignorant can people be?! I don't get it. I wanted to chew her out. Too bad it wasn't my place, (and I may have gotten fired from my job on my first day) because I totally would have done it.
2) I had a weird dream the other night. I was with a group of people my age-ish. We were somewhere, I don't know, a camp or something, sitting outside in the grass. Everyone else was already there, and I came up to the group to join them. As I approached them, I saw iPhones, iPods, everything material, and heard the dreaded "So like..." way of talking. You know what I mean. And, in my dream, to these people I said, "Whoa, I have to leave. I can't be around you all right now cause I'm just going to judge you. Bye." I think this probably explains some of my attitude right now, as much as I try to fight it.
These two examples are just part of my life right now. I know it's because I've been exposed to a different life, different religions, different everything, that certain aspects of the American way of life are just not... suitable?.... for me anymore. It's not what I want, or what I understand, or what I agree with I guess. Maybe it'll get better, but I don't see that happening anytime soon.
Please understand me: I don't hate America. Or Americans. I'm just going through culture shock right now, against my own culture, and it's weird.
Back to being lonely. I don't know what to do. There are so many people that I know understand me in my life, friends and such. But here's the problem. NONE OF THEM LIVE IN MISSOURI. Not cool. I need a transporter (or just a new car, unlimited money and time) to go visit them all. Seriously.
Last thing, when people ask me if I'm going to go back to Spain, my response is "Why yes, I am. After I graduate. For a year to teach." I tell people this to A) show them how much I love Spain and B) convince myself and get it into my head that it is actually going to happen, because if I don't convince myself, it won't happen. However, while I was running the other day, I decided why not? I don't have anything holding me back. I won't get this opportunity again. While others are busy getting jobs here, going to school, getting married, whatever they may be doing, I will be going to Spain. Because nothing is holding me back. And I like it like that.
Please do me a favor. Yes, you. If you see me, please give me a hug. I could really use it. And if I cry and sniffle on your new shirt, just grin and bear it.
30 May 2009
Where am I?!
Palabra del dia: incomodo --> uncomfortable/awkward
Isn't home where you're supposed to feel most comfortable? My recent life experiences have proved this isn't true. I arrived home (well, Kansas City for the weekend with my sister, my second home) on Thursday night. It was a looooong journey, to say the least. It started with a 4:30am (Spain time) wake up call in Malaga, where we had stayed in a hostal the night before. I didn't sleep well that night because it was hot, there were people being loud in our hostal, and since Barcelona had just won the "SuperBowl of Soccer" (as my host brother Nacho likes to call it), people were shouting and honking and being loud in the streets for a really long time. Needless to say, I was tired from the start. My friend Sarah and I got up and got to the airport for our respective 7am flights. She headed to Athens to meet her boyfriend, me to Madrid. When I arrived to Madrid, I got some Starbucks (much to my dismay, actually. I really miss Spanish cafe con leche!) and sat to write in my journal. Literally, as I was sitting there, I was fighting tears. This has been a common occurance for the past 3 weeks or so. There's been a number of things attributing to this, the biggest one of them all being the realization that I have to leave Spain. Really I just wanted to get it all out, but I knew that wasn't the time. So I had a 3 hour layover in Madrid. I wrote, wandered, and got $33 American dollars back from my 15 Euro and 5 UK Pounds left. Cha-ching!
Finally boarding time came and I was relieved to get on the plane. But not so relieved to leave Spain. I almost cried again. Sheesh. I ended up sitting by this 40-something year old guy who thought I was Spanish (um, what? Do you see the blonde hair?) and kept calling me "senora." **Side note, senora is used for older women, it's senorita that is used for younger. Thanks.** We didn't talk until food finally came around. Then we figured out we were both American, go figure. His name is John, he works at Macy's and lives in Chicago, and he said his life revolves around going to Europe. Interesting flight. I didn't barely sleep cause I was crammed in my seat. Note to the wise, the table doubles as a good head rest, even though it's slightly uncomfortable being bent over in that small seat. Whatever, I was tired.
After 9 hours, we finally arrived in Chicago. We had to get off the plane, get our bags, go through customs, and recheck our bags for connecting flights. Long story short, I missed my connection because this all took too long. We got in a little after 2pm (central US time) and I wasn't able to catch a plane until 8:35pm. So that means 6 HOURS in the Chicago airport. At this point, I want to tell you about some things I immediately noticed about America in my exhausted, I-don't-want-to-be-in-America-right-now state.
1) I found that I am a lot more aware of diversity. Everywhere I looked I picked out the non-white people in my brain. And, I favored those who looked Spanish or Middle-Eastern. Go figure. Maybe it's the familiarity of it all?
2) I'm sorry, but America as a whole is a lot fatter than Spain. It's the truth. Sorry if you think I'm being insensitive, but it is clear when you look at it.
When I finally got on the airplane to Kansas City, I was surprised I hadn't fallen over from sleep exhaustion. At this point, I had legitimately been awake for at least 24 hours. Mom advised me to "drink some coffee so you actually get in the right car when you get to Kansas City," as in actually find my sister. Haha, thanks for the advice, Mom.
Now for a tangent. I don't know if you notice this, but I think that first class is the stupidest invention ever. EVER. Seriously, what purpose does it serve? Unless you want to shell out enourmous amounts of money on a flight, why else would you sit first class? The only excuse I could find was on a looooong flight (I'd say over 4 hours) in which the comfortableness (yes, I just made that word up) of the seat would be good for sleeping. On the plane from Chicago to Kansas City, I thought it was ridiculous. The flight attendant brought a glass cup with some sort of alcohol to almost every passenger in first class. Really, people?! Is it necessary? You can't hold off for an hour and a half till you get to your destination? YOU'RE PAYING FOR A GLASS CUP!!!! I think it's ridiculous.
So now that I'm back in the States, how am I feeling? Well, I feel like I don't belong. My poor sister, God bless her, is such a sweetheart for putting up with my not-always-positive attitude. I can't even describe it. It's like I'm a stranger in a strange land. I literally don't feel like I belong. I know this will pass with time, but right now I'm exhausted and confused. I find myself getting tired of speaking in English and still speak in Spanish. This can't be good for one's brain. I know I have to adjust at some point, and I'm sure I will. The trick will be combining the me now with the me I was before, because I'm different now. So if you see me, and I seem confused/upset/dazed/cranky, please just go with it. I'll be better soon, hopefully.
That's all for now. I'm going to go sleep off some more jet lag.
Isn't home where you're supposed to feel most comfortable? My recent life experiences have proved this isn't true. I arrived home (well, Kansas City for the weekend with my sister, my second home) on Thursday night. It was a looooong journey, to say the least. It started with a 4:30am (Spain time) wake up call in Malaga, where we had stayed in a hostal the night before. I didn't sleep well that night because it was hot, there were people being loud in our hostal, and since Barcelona had just won the "SuperBowl of Soccer" (as my host brother Nacho likes to call it), people were shouting and honking and being loud in the streets for a really long time. Needless to say, I was tired from the start. My friend Sarah and I got up and got to the airport for our respective 7am flights. She headed to Athens to meet her boyfriend, me to Madrid. When I arrived to Madrid, I got some Starbucks (much to my dismay, actually. I really miss Spanish cafe con leche!) and sat to write in my journal. Literally, as I was sitting there, I was fighting tears. This has been a common occurance for the past 3 weeks or so. There's been a number of things attributing to this, the biggest one of them all being the realization that I have to leave Spain. Really I just wanted to get it all out, but I knew that wasn't the time. So I had a 3 hour layover in Madrid. I wrote, wandered, and got $33 American dollars back from my 15 Euro and 5 UK Pounds left. Cha-ching!
Finally boarding time came and I was relieved to get on the plane. But not so relieved to leave Spain. I almost cried again. Sheesh. I ended up sitting by this 40-something year old guy who thought I was Spanish (um, what? Do you see the blonde hair?) and kept calling me "senora." **Side note, senora is used for older women, it's senorita that is used for younger. Thanks.** We didn't talk until food finally came around. Then we figured out we were both American, go figure. His name is John, he works at Macy's and lives in Chicago, and he said his life revolves around going to Europe. Interesting flight. I didn't barely sleep cause I was crammed in my seat. Note to the wise, the table doubles as a good head rest, even though it's slightly uncomfortable being bent over in that small seat. Whatever, I was tired.
After 9 hours, we finally arrived in Chicago. We had to get off the plane, get our bags, go through customs, and recheck our bags for connecting flights. Long story short, I missed my connection because this all took too long. We got in a little after 2pm (central US time) and I wasn't able to catch a plane until 8:35pm. So that means 6 HOURS in the Chicago airport. At this point, I want to tell you about some things I immediately noticed about America in my exhausted, I-don't-want-to-be-in-America-right-now state.
1) I found that I am a lot more aware of diversity. Everywhere I looked I picked out the non-white people in my brain. And, I favored those who looked Spanish or Middle-Eastern. Go figure. Maybe it's the familiarity of it all?
2) I'm sorry, but America as a whole is a lot fatter than Spain. It's the truth. Sorry if you think I'm being insensitive, but it is clear when you look at it.
When I finally got on the airplane to Kansas City, I was surprised I hadn't fallen over from sleep exhaustion. At this point, I had legitimately been awake for at least 24 hours. Mom advised me to "drink some coffee so you actually get in the right car when you get to Kansas City," as in actually find my sister. Haha, thanks for the advice, Mom.
Now for a tangent. I don't know if you notice this, but I think that first class is the stupidest invention ever. EVER. Seriously, what purpose does it serve? Unless you want to shell out enourmous amounts of money on a flight, why else would you sit first class? The only excuse I could find was on a looooong flight (I'd say over 4 hours) in which the comfortableness (yes, I just made that word up) of the seat would be good for sleeping. On the plane from Chicago to Kansas City, I thought it was ridiculous. The flight attendant brought a glass cup with some sort of alcohol to almost every passenger in first class. Really, people?! Is it necessary? You can't hold off for an hour and a half till you get to your destination? YOU'RE PAYING FOR A GLASS CUP!!!! I think it's ridiculous.
So now that I'm back in the States, how am I feeling? Well, I feel like I don't belong. My poor sister, God bless her, is such a sweetheart for putting up with my not-always-positive attitude. I can't even describe it. It's like I'm a stranger in a strange land. I literally don't feel like I belong. I know this will pass with time, but right now I'm exhausted and confused. I find myself getting tired of speaking in English and still speak in Spanish. This can't be good for one's brain. I know I have to adjust at some point, and I'm sure I will. The trick will be combining the me now with the me I was before, because I'm different now. So if you see me, and I seem confused/upset/dazed/cranky, please just go with it. I'll be better soon, hopefully.
That's all for now. I'm going to go sleep off some more jet lag.
23 May 2009
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
I am so exhausted. My brain is on the fritz. Seriously. I can barely think in Spanish. Or speak for that matter. My room looks like a war zone. It's my last day in Granada as part of the IES program. I hate goodbyes. (But I do get to say hello to my best friend, Kelsey, when she arrives here TOMORROW!!! Seeing her is the silver lining, for sure!)
This whole thing has been such a dream/amazing experience/more than I could have imagined. And it's almost over. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. If I had my way, I wouldn't go back. Not now. Maybe not ever. I'm really going to miss it. Everything about it.
That being said, I need to go pack and spend some quality time with Ma. More later when I can think straight.
This whole thing has been such a dream/amazing experience/more than I could have imagined. And it's almost over. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. If I had my way, I wouldn't go back. Not now. Maybe not ever. I'm really going to miss it. Everything about it.
That being said, I need to go pack and spend some quality time with Ma. More later when I can think straight.
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